Friday, May 30, 2008
Day 151 Year 2008

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I know that some of you are gonna kill me, after reading my previous post, when the time comes.

I tell you, bring it on, I've had enough.

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Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Day 149 Year 2008

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Right, who am I kidding?

All these years, I've been trying so hard to find where I really belong, and I've always failed. I mean, I went through several classes both in scondary school and polytechnic and even getting involved in TOG, but somehow I just get the backstab and cold stare and the fear of being arrowed everytime I get in there. Sure, some of you say it's my fault, but who bothers to find out why?

The point I'm trying to drive at? My class sucks, and I'm trying so hard to get blended into TOG.

I mean, starting with the class, I know I'm not supposed to be there. I used to look forward to going to class in Year One, with the BORING modules like Science and Enterprise. Now I have fun modules but now going to school is like going to man's version of Hell. No one there understands me and they probably never will. Although there are a few in there that try. I don't like bitching about people but really don't have a choice now anyway. This is where I write my feelings and they are true to the last word.

Then there's TOG, no backstabs here but sometimes some people in there can be such an ass showing off what they have when I know about it a long time ago, like c'mon, who're you trying to impress? Get a grip, find something more worthwhile.

Who am I kidding, I don't think I belong in this world anyway, no thoughts of suicide, I'll just live day by day.

Sometimes, life becomes such a bitch and bastard, doesn't it?

And those people who want to share my problems, please stop wasting your time, I don't SHARE my problems. I lift them by myself and solve them on my own, if I get crushed by its weight, leave me be. The most you can do is arrange for my funeral.

Yeah, this post is damn negative, but I have to do it somehow. I got no diary and I don't believe in talking to a book.

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Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Day 148 Year 2008

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Came back from the audition...I think I quite sucked as compared to my practices at home. Perhaps it was stage fright, 'cause there were like, 4 interviewers and 20 other people listening to me, and playing without a stand was quite hard. But I still received an applause at the end of the whole thing, thanks man.



And Wesley didn't ask me "Why saxophone?" =P But if he wants to, here's his answer.



The "smoke" version:

Because the saxophone is a powerful instrument. It can be the solo or the background all at the same time. There are many variations and types of it, and it makes music come alive more than any other instrument.



The truth:

I was kicked out of the French Horn section in secondary school (because they claimed I was tone-deaf) and forced to play the Baritone Saxophone. The Alto came after secondary school when I couldn't afford the Baritone Saxophone.



Ok, you got your answer. Read it and do what you have to do. Lol.



I'd like to thank Sal, Xin Rui and Aisyah for staying with me until 6pm today too. Though they didn't express any motivation (oops...wait, wait, there's more) they still stayed with me. Haha, I guess that's motivation enough.



Aaaaaaand if I DO get into Jammerz Arena, I'd be guessing that Undressing the Naked (UTN for short, and it's the band for TOG) wouldn't be asking me out for jamming sessions already, since I have another band outside, not that I'm complaining.



And the interviewer actually asked if I was interested in playing Jazz music in JA (after saying that no one in JA history has ever played Jazz and have a saxophone in the band). I mean, I'd love Jazz, but it'll better if I tried other forms of music. But I'm contented enough. =]

And of course, Last Man Standing at One Night Stand? I'm rooting for Orton.

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Monday, May 26, 2008
Day 147 Year 2008

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Just came back from soccer, and it makes me wonder why I'm more than on form these two weeks. PErhaps it's because my mind is free from worry, but then again, come to think of it, my mind DOES have a ton of worries.

My laptop was infected by spyware, then today I went to IT Helpdesk, and they made it disappear! (wonder how much they get paid)

The audition is tomorrow...stress about whether to play one or two songs, most probably one, since I'm better at that. I went through the piece today before I went for soccer and honestly, I don't think I'll wow the interviewers, but I hope they don't think I'm way over my head. And Wesley, if you're reading this (or Siti or whoever from JA is reading this), please don't ask me stuff like "why I choose to play the saxophone". I'll be giving you a super long-winded answer if I'm going to be honest. But I'll welcome questions like "Why JA?". But of course, you decide, I'm not God.

My sickness is getting better, I'm sure my nose will be fine by tomorrow, the cough should be staying for a longer time, so JA don't expect a lot from me.

I'm not sure if Geraldine still wants me to be part of the Short + Sweet play, but I'm sure she doesn't want me to get involved anymore. I was only a replacement anyway.

I'm talking a lot aren't I? Quite unusual for me to write this long, especially at 10:09pm...(for some of you, early I know, but I always sleep at 10 or 9.30, so no gasping)

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Thursday, May 22, 2008
Day 143 Year 2008

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OKAY~~~so Chelsea didn't win...I mean, not every grass is greed right? No use crying over spilt milk so I'm looking forward to next year. At least we made it to 2nd place, no big deal.

But the best part was when Ronaldo missed a penalty, of course, at that moment in time there were probably a lot of high hopes on Chelsea...

But in the end, I have to admit the better team won.

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Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Day 142 Year 2008

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Tonight is the match...it's THE match that everyone has been waiting for. In Singapore it shows at 2am and it'll be coming LIVE from Moscow.

That's right, Chelsea vs Man Utd for the title.

Of course, Chelsea fans support Chelsea and Man Utd fans support Man Utd, who can blame them?

And obviously being a Chelsea supporter, I definately hope Chelsea would win.

I have two people who are looking forward to calling me tonight (only if Man Utd wins) already and I would be doing the same if the Blues shine at Moscow (why in the world do they have it in Moscow???). Nasrin rellay hopes Ronaldo would be on form and Jill desperately thinks Man Utd will thrash Chelsea.

I can't justify anything, I'd just say that we have to wait and see, no harm intended...haha...

Okay, I'll go entertain myself now, try to stay awake until 2am! Or I'll sleep until 2am!

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Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Day 141 Year 2008

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Yeap, Judgement Day is over and Judgement came to show who was the rightful WWE Champion. Okay...maybe it IS right...although now the "Age of Orton" is over (quote Jim Ross) and I'm definately gonna believe that Randy Orton will have his comeback.

But good news is: Randy Orton is having a Last Man Standing Match with Triple H for the title again at One Night Stand. Randy Orton beat him before at a Last Man Standing Match and I bet he's trying again.

No offence, but I reaaaaaaally doubt the last man standing would be Triple H. I mean, he's go so much more toughness and skill mixed with ruthlessness and experience, who can match up to him?

No more gold lifting for Triple H if God smiles on Randy Orton...

Other than that report, today we did Digital Media Arts, and we had to rush through today to complete the task, worse than last week's. Had to record audio and all that, then edit blah blah blah.

UT today was tough...fcuked up to put it loosely, and it was a lovely day today!

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Day 141 Year 2008

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Yesterday TOG had the rehearsal with Walk On Water Productions...and Louis came back already, so my place is given over to him. I guess it IS good, seeing that the costume for Louis would be a dress... o0

So...Jill would get back to me if they still need me. Ditching me? Nah, that's how replacements work, so I'm fine with it.

And sometimes, you gotta learn how to let go.

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Saturday, May 17, 2008
Day 138 Year 2008

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138 days has passed since the start of the year, 138 days don't seem much but when you think about it, you can actually do a lot in 138 days.

Like practicing the saxophone in time for Monday's audition...(not the Vesak day one)

Of course, the road has most certainly been a bumpy one, even Valentine's Day...but of course, there are the good parts in this drama serial...

My leg still isn't that well, I guess it's just a muscle pull or something, nothing much...

I was on Wikipedia the other day, checking out Gorillaz on it. I clicked on the link "inverted cross" (because they were describing Murdoc's appearance) and they linked to St. Peter's Cross and they were talking about Satanism, I clicked on Satanism and out pops out the Church of Satan! They actually have that in the world? They actually ALLOW such a religion to exist? This church even has its own commandments and a HIGH PRIEST! Like WTF! The worst part is that they have an article on Wikipedia! I don't get it, why good people are persecuted for what they want to do and the deeds they do for mankind but this...atrocity is allowed to continue!

Just what is going on in the world?

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Thursday, May 15, 2008
Day 136 Year 2008

The king was throned again at Backlash...after delivering a high-impact pedigree to Randy Orton...>.<

I'm definately hoping for Randy Orton to get back his title at Judgement Day...there'd better be a title match, since Randy's last two matches were cut off by that "King" Regal.

So yeah...pissed that Randy didn't have the chance to do this:

Triple H is going to get his RKO on Judgement Day...and lose his title and pride.

Other than that, today had been a fine day, called Wesley in the morning but he still was late for school. o0

Almost broke my leg today, jumped off a 2 meter high platform...ow...

Beverley came to RP today, she SMSed me =P But I was doing my presentation and couldn't meet up with her, damn PBL.

Tomorrow is going to be a tiring day, and I hope my leg will get better.

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Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Day 135 Year 2008

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Today was a very tiring day...haven't had the mood to blog for some time...busy practicing my saxophone and all that for the Jammerz Arena Audition which is on next...next Monday...the Monday after Vesak Day...the Monday after next Monday...

I decided to practice two songs, "Lemon Tree" and "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing", by Foolsgarden and Aersmith respectively.

Didn't go for jamming session last Saturday with TOG, I have my reasons, ok?

1) It was scheduled to end at 10, which was a little late for me
2) They asked me to be a tambourine player, pride takes over when I'm recalled of the concerts I had playing my saxophone
3) I don't really see the need for me to be there, after all, they have like 20 people there? And just for a few songs...I think they have more than enough hands

So...ya...although I guess no one from TOG would be reading this...waste of my effort anyway...

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Friday, May 09, 2008
Day 130 Year 2008

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From the excerpts of the journal of Amadeus Arkham.

**
Shocked by my "ill health", some friends take me to the opera--Wagner's Parsifal.
Don't they understand?
Can't they see I'm breaking into a thousand places?

Time

Time becomes

Strange

Forty minutes have passed since I ingested three portions of the Amanita mushroom.
So far, no effect.

Abruptly. I become convinced that the house is alive and trying to communicate with me.
A pressure at the back of my head makes me turn.

In their tiny, contained universe, two vast and shimmering clown fish glide toward one another.
And make the sign of Pisces.

Pisces! The astrological attribution of the moon card in the tarot pack!
The symbol of trial and initiation. Death and rebirth.

I have been shown the path.
I must follow where it leads.
Like Parsifal, I must confront the unreason that threatens me.
I must go alone into the Dark Tower.

Without a backward glance.

And face the Dragon within.

I have only one fear.

What if I am not strong enough to defeat it?
What then?

The drug takes hold, I feel small and afraid.

Perhaps I've done the wrong thing.
Somewhere, not far away, the Dragon hauls its terrible weight through the corridors of the asylum.

I am borne up on a wave of perfect terror.

And the world explodes.
There is nothing to hold on to.
No anchor.
Panic-stricken, I flee.
I run blindly through the madhouse.
And I cannot even pray.

For I have no God.

**

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Thursday, May 08, 2008
Day 129 Year 2008

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Jammerz Arena had emailed me...like FINALLY...but it's like...next next week, so I'm rushing on what to play on that day now... o0

Today was UT, but I didn't care about it anyway...haha...

Tomorrow I heard that we'll be in a studio and all that, but we'll see. It sounds exciting and all...but don't get hopes too high, definitely.

Today went rather well...although of course there was a little conflict going on...small one, not big enough to talk about...heehee.

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Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Day 128 Year 2008

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I left class early today, not because of the class, not because of the facilitator, but just that I'm just having one of those days.

People keep on talking and talking about their own problems and imagine absorbing them like a sponge and you can't release it, you don't have anyone else to alk to about YOUR own problems.

So I just needed a break, a short one, and I used today for it.

I had wanted to leave earlier at first, but Salome was talking to me, it made me feel as if God was trying to say something through her. Like He wanted me to stay and see. But obviously I decided the easier way out instead...

I feel irresponsible and all that, but what choice would I have anyway if I stayed? I made no contribution and I thought I would've been more useful elswhere.

I reached home, played my saxophone, watched some TV, played some WWE, checked my mail, ate my lunch and dinner.

It seemed like a perfect, slow, relaxing day. But of course, as the sun rises, it has to set.

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Sunday, May 04, 2008
Day 125 Year 2008

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I played soccer just now and it was fcuked up.
Honestly speaking, I don't really like playing with TOG people, especially at the field. They don't fcuking understand how hard and demoralising it is to be a goalkeeper and when you let in a goal. How fcuked up it can be when you see the ball in your own fcuking net when you know you could save it. The TOG people keep giving me suggestions, fine, but in the end they keep talking as if I'm the one totally at fault, especially Louis. He's been a keeper before and maybe he has high expectations of me, next time if they call me out for field soccer, I'm just going to hang up.

There's rehearsal tomorrow, for some NAFA thingy, Terence said Geraldine Paul wants me to be there, I can guess what for: to put the broom and the mop to good use. And maybe also shift some useless stuff. OK, to put it in a nicer way, Backstage Crew member.

But not all things are so emo, I bought my girlfriend Octopus balls today and helped her mother carry some NTUC stuff back to her house. So it was a nice experience for me...haha...

I also realised my friend didn't mistook me, he mistook someone else, so I'm safe for now...

Other than that, today was a fine day =]

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Saturday, May 03, 2008
Day 124 Year 2008

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My friend mistook me and I am so dead, I want to talk to him and I'm so gonna die.

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